The Hidden Meaning: an unintended truth

Do we take the time to ask them direct questions and feedback and invite them to partake in the decision-making process?

Distance learning, virtual or hybrid learning, remote teaching…all different ways that schools and education systems have had to adapt in order cater to learning during a global pandemic, during the era or Covid-19. Many will agree that learning is not meant to be completely adapted in this manner but educators have been thrown into a whirlwind they cannot always control.

As this transition and transformation has had to take place, educators, leaders, parents, and students alike, have been filled with feelings of frustration and disappointment. So many changes and so many different ways of adapting have made learning now even more difficult than before. Questions on access, equity, and ability have arisen in various districts. If they were not talked about before, they are now at the forefront of the discussion. 

With these changes, there has often been an oversight. Over the past decade, there have been many pieces of research and discussions centered around the importance of student voice, partnerships, and shared leadership. Much emphasis has been placed on dismantling the importance of maintaining a hierarchy and a vision of “leadership is more than a title” has been instilled in many regions and districts.

But I truly believe that there has been a caveat here. There was always a hidden meaning or an unintended truth that lingered about. Although it was never malicious in nature, the result of this caveat truly shared a direct message.

What distance learning has taught the education system is that: student voice, partnerships, and shared leadership are important and crucial, BUT, only when time permitted it. The danger that has presented itself recently is a reflection I offer to all districts. When decisions have to be made: how to change from in-person to hybrid or virtual, when that will happen and for how long, with what parameters, is equity ensured, what resources are available, how can districts and schools support learners, educators, parents…etc. Are educators, students, parents at the table? Do we take the time to ask them direct questions and feedback and invite them to partake in the decision-making process?

The research shows: 

1. That the old model has challenges and does not support today’s learners and education system.
2. That including all actors in the decision-making process leads to greater success, supports healthy well-being, and ensures greater engagement by all parties. 
3. That collaboration needs to be a priority.
4. That taking the time is more efficient in the long run and does not hinder gains in learning; a better reflective approach, based on research and collaboration will lead to a better system. 

In essence, the hidden meaning or unintended message that has been uncovered by this forced shift in education is:

We believe in partnerships, collaboration, collective voice…but only when we have time. Otherwise, it becomes a burden rather than an added benefit. So, another question remains: do we truly believe in this?

This is a dangerous message to send out. Educators know that this is completely unintended (my hopeful attitude will choose to believe this to be true), yet that is the message that is conveyed. And if we truly care about learning, educators’ well-being, supporting parents and families, we will all further reflect on how this collective voice and partnership will become a bigger priority in 2021.

When ENOUGH is ENOUGH

“When books such as these are deemed inappropriate or disturbing, we are telling all kids of that school who identify with these books that their lives are inappropriate or disturbing. Is that what we want to tell our kids?“

It has been a long time since I actually found the time, and took the time, to sit down and write a blog post. But today, my heart was compelled to put my feelings and my thoughts into words. Courage and honesty need to be at the forefront. My voice needs to speak up, because,

ENOUGH is ENOUGH.

Without a doubt, the past year has been a tumultuous one. So many changes have been happening, so many cries for help, so many events that we cannot and should never ignore. 

I must admit, it is easier to sit and write about injustice when that injustice is not affecting your own personal life. When you come from a status of privilege (let me share and acknowledge that I am a white, Christian, cisgender, heterosexual male; meaning, I know that history and society have given me greater opportunities), you don’t have to face as many challenges and hardships that others have to. However, when I see injustice happen, when I am a witness to the wrongdoings of others, I cannot sit idly by and let it continue. 

Today’s post is more difficult to write. This narrative includes actions that are happening to a friend of mine. I hope that I can honour his story, honour his spirit, and his heart. 

A fellow incredible educator, looks to teach, to inspire, to engage students in amazing learning opportunities. This summer, he also asked our virtual community to help support his classroom by purchasing various books that promote literacy, diversity, passion, and community.  To my disbelief, I find out that since the beginning of the school year, things have not been as positive. 

Some parents started questioning the books that this educator shared. Some parents decided to threaten to remove their children from the school because of these books. Upon this news, I started to imagine, what books could be so incredibly hateful that it is creating such a reaction from parents. As a father myself, I know the importance of wanting to protect my kids in various situations.

Astonishingly, the book in question is It Feels Good to Be Yourself, by Theresa Thorn. A book that promotes living your true authentic self, a book that helps kids understand and build empathy surrounding gender identity. 

It Feels Good To Be Yourself: A Book About Gender Identity

Really? That is what parents are afraid of?

So what happened with all of this? A meeting? A discussion?

Nope, leaders from the public school and publicly-funded district (emphasis here) decided that all such books needed to be removed from the classroom. Any posts about this book must be taken down. Furthermore, all books that the teacher wants to add to the classroom library must be approved by the Principal. If any further “disturbances” are created (clarification: parents who don’t like diverse books), the teacher’s contract is to be terminated. And this is not for the entire staff. This is ONLY for the one teacher who cared enough about his students to diversify classroom books.

Please help me understand. How is this still happening in 2020? Last year, I remember writing letters with my students to a district in Georgia after they banned Dear Martin by Nic Stone because of harsh language and negative attitudes against law enforcement. Seriously?

As a teacher, I try to approach learning with humanity, when teachers strive to let students be seen or heard and valued, this is seen as inappropriate? Can someone tell me why? I will not name the district, the school, nor the teacher, because I do not wish to create future repercussions. But this cannot keep happening in schools across North America. 

LGBTQ teachers are still being threatened with their jobs if they share about their partners, their family lives, or books celebrating diversity and inclusivity. Teachers of colour are being threatened or working in environments where they are still not seen in books, where their history is not part of classrooms. People are being hurt, threatened, and demoralized because of the shame, hatred, and fear of a small minority who live a life of privilege and share little regard for empathy and compassion.  

Other than speaking out, what can we do? 
Please share this story. Share other stories you hear about. Fight back.
Share your disgust for what is happening.

When books such as these are deemed inappropriate or disturbing, we are telling all kids of that school who identify with these books that their lives are inappropriate or disturbing. Is that what we want to tell our kids?

I will not only be using this Blog and this situation as a teaching opportunity, but I will also be personally donating some copies of the book It Feels Good to Be Yourself, to classrooms and teachers across North America who want to share this story with their students.

Do not be a passive witness to what is going on. Speak up. Speak out. Call them out. Nobody has the right to treat others like this. No system leader has this right. If so, they do not deserve their title. I will not stop. We deserve better.  

Sometimes we need to find the light in the dark

“Life can be tough. Teaching can be tough.
Sometimes we need to find the light in the dark.”

The past few weeks have been a struggle for me. Although I have been faced with countless obstacles and challenges before, recently these many same challenges, compounded together have become an unbearable weight on my shoulders.

I have also had to brave the wilderness, embrace vulnerability and take some time to collect my thoughts, finally deciding that it is important to share.
(You can obviously note that from this past reference, Brené Brown has been a great influence in my reflections.)

Educators are supposed to be great.
Educators are supposed to smile.
Educators are supposed to create moments and learning adventures! 

Although these are all true statements, and these are the images portrayed to us on social media, we must also acknowledge that teaching and learning aren’t always amazing, incredible and perfect. Many times strategies don’t work out, the trauma faced by our students is too great, and there is a major lack in system support to educators making these amazing adventures temporary not possible.

“Sometimes you have to go through darkness to get to the light.”
-unknown

For those who know me, I am always filled with hope, kindness, and optimism. I believe in the goodness of others and that there is always a way to make something happen. But I also know that I sometimes feel defeated, I sometimes feel like I just don’t know. And many educators, although they may feel the same way, are afraid to share their voice for fear of judgment from peers, from parents, from their own building or system leaders. As educators, we must also realize that we are not modeling a growth mindset, empathy nor kindness when all we share are the incredible things that happen. There is always more than one side to any story and we need to be brave enough to share all those sides, regardless of the apprehensions we may have.

We are lucky in education to have access to incredible communities of learners and passionate teachers. We need to remember that we have to support each other, listen to others and share our own struggles to learn collaboratively. 

In the past few months, I have scrapped lessons, I have started over, I have listened to students cry, I have witnessed trying behavioural attitudes, I have heard and witnessed major trauma in the lives of student, I have contacted parents, I have broken down, I have sat in meetings; I have sometimes hit rock bottom, and many times, have felt alone because no one around me seemed to have that same reality. In my own struggles, I have worked hard to find that light.

So I urge all educators, be humble, be honest, be authentic. Share the amazing and share the challenges. When looking for help, be wary of the word “expert”, because no such thing exists. If you want to offer support, do not market yourself as an expert. We are all passionate learners and educators. We all have something great to share with others. Let’s work together to build up our communities.

And to the broken system: find the humanity in your approach. When we have students, staff, and family in crisis; do not ask for many pieces of paper. Do not ask your teachers to sit for hours filling out detailed accounts about students, incidents or recommendations. Take some time and go talk to others. To leaders, directors, superintendents: find your way out of the offices and into the schools and classrooms that are screaming for help, that are searching for hope. The traditional ways of isolating ourselves in our hierarchical patterns and buildings do not work to support our education system. Be brave enough to challenge the structure and way of working by going to see the students, to see the teachers, to hear the stories. 

Although to some this may not seem like a worthwhile investment, you may, in fact, be having a far greater impact than you realize. You may be saving a life.

“If you feel like you’re losing everything, remember that trees lose their leaves every year and they still stand tall and wait for better days to come.”
-unknown

The Day I Felt Abandoned

So I realize that although we were not meant to go through this alone. The system and the government, are forcing me to do so. 

On January 28th, the Government of Ontario declared that several new regions in the province would be able to open schools for in-person learning. A majority of people, many parents, cheered at the announcement, that children would be able to leave home to continue their learning and socializing at school. 

Let’s be clear, learning was never intended to be done behind a screen. Although many have succeeded and many have adapted to such a reality, as my friend Dr. Jody Carrington would say:  we are wired for connection. It is in a connected environment that we can truly learn, build empathy, compassion and integrate our knowledge into real-world applications…as a community. 

But what we need to remember, and what we have talked about for many years, is that the one-size-fits-all approach cannot be adopted for all decisions. When discussing and understanding equity, we know that we cannot simply give the same directives and supports to everyone and think that we are being fair. 

So it is on #BellLetsTalk day, a day to raise awareness about mental health, that I truly felt abandoned as an educator. Not because I cannot wait to see my students and teach them in person, but because no one is thinking about teachers and what a last-minute decision to return to school actually means.

As a high school teacher, we have currently completed a quadmester. Quadmesters are our new divisions for courses (being adapted from a system of semesters). When we left for our Winter Break, we took what we needed for online learning (just in case) and everything else was left as is. Now with one weekday left, a day that we (those who are parents) have to stay home with our kids before we welcome our students back, we have to figure out how we can make this Monday return happen. 

• How in our absence, can we make sure that all the classrooms have the appropriate number of desks for the new number of students for class? 
• How will we clean up all our material and resources from our past quadmester?
• How will I find time to prepare physical material and classroom space for my students for Monday morning?
• How will I prepare all new resources for my new cohort of students?
• How am I supposed to show up, full of energy and a smile, when I am left with so many questions and worries and no work days at school?

I will agree with many health professionals, that to support positive mental health for students, physical presence in schools is a benefit. But the public outcry from parents to send kids back to school is not only in support of mental health, we must be honest and realize that it is also in response to the challenges of having kids at home all day for over a month and having to support online learning. This in itself is a different challenge, one that many have a hard time with and were never truly prepared for. Because we must remember that parents also have jobs to worry about, they also have responsibilities to take care of. 

So I realize that although we were not meant to go through this alone. The system and the government, are forcing me to do so. 

I will do what I can to show up Monday and be the best educator I can be. I will work hours on end, on my own time, at home, trying not to penalize my own kids to prepare everything I need for Monday. I will approach Monday with grace: grace for myself, grace for my students, and grace for my colleagues. I will hope that my students and community will extend the same grace to me as I navigate these challenges, alone. 

What society expects, what the government expects, what the school boards expect…I cannot give. I cannot burn myself out in support of last-minute decisions. I cannot lose sleep, happiness, nor moments and memories with my own kids and be a martyr for the education system. And most importantly, I cannot abandon myself, my balance, nor my own mental health. Because on January 28th, 2021, #BellLetsTalk Day, I have had to come to accept that I, as an educator, have been abandoned by the rest. And I refuse to abandon myself because I have had to realize that I am the sole person now looking out for me. 

A Community in Crisis

Remember, if it takes a pandemic to realize that there is inequity in your system, then you are living in privilege. Please do not make decisions based on privilege. Make decisions based on each and every child in front of you.

Since the Covid-19 pandemic has swept the globe, the entire global community, and the education community, have become a community in crisis. Schedules have been uprooted, routines have been changed, social expectations have been drastically changed. 

Amidst this time of chaos, a new wave of thinking has taken over education. I am told we are now in the era of remote/distance or online learning. As I listen to all these talks, as I scroll threw my social media feeds, I am deeply troubled by everything I see and hear. In this unprecedented time of change and adaptation, I believe that we are no longer in a wave of learning; we are in crisis management of education. 

Yes, you heard me right…no matter the intention, no matter the will, we are no longer leading learning. We are managing a crisis. And guess what, there is nothing wrong with that.

When new systems are thrown into place at “lightning speed” with no basis in research, practice, and pedagogy, when students’ well-being, health, and family situations are not taken into account as a priority, when equity does not become the driving force behind all decisions in education, no real learning can take place. 

Now although I do not mean to offend anyone, and I recognize the valiant efforts of so many people across the globe trying to get material, lessons, videos, and activities together, we cannot professionally call our crisis management scenarios as a conducive environment to learning. 

Let us remember some key points:

• Giving access to tools and wifi to a child does not ensure learning;
• Not having access to support tools and support personnel during learning does not ensure learning;
• Assigning hours of reading, videos, activities, projects to be done under parental supervision does not ensure learning;
• Completing tasks and checklists does not ensure learning.

Let us also reflect:

• Asking parents to support and supervise hours of learning (between 1-5 children) with all other responsibilities during this pandemic is inhumane.
• Expecting parents to play the role of the substitute teacher is not right. 
• Expecting a child to comply and complete worksheets may fill time, but it does not engage nor does it measure learning.

There are students who are anxious and worried because they may have a family member who is sick, a neighbour who is a frontline worker at a health care facility, a parent who has lost their job, a sibling who cries, a family situation of violence or abuse, a lack of meals for the household and so much more. 

Therefore, forget the grades, the lessons, the Zoom appointments. Forget the normality in the routine of education. Let us all give each other permission to live through the emotions of these challenging times. Allow everyone to process what is going on. Live and lead with heart.

Let’s stop placing unrealistic expectations on educators. There has been no training on creating pedagogical activities for true distance learning. For us to be able to call it distance or remote learning, there needs to be proper training and resources not only for the educators creating the material but for the students who will be accessing these new tools. 

And please think of equity. Reaching a majority of students is not okay; it is not enough. Think of your most vulnerable. We should be starting with them. Remember, if it takes a pandemic to realize that there is inequity in your system, then you are living in privilege. Please do not make decisions based on privilege. Make decisions based on each and every child in front of you. 

In this time of crisis, it is not lightning speed that is needed. We have one chance to get it right and be there for students. Let’s not create new trauma for students and families. Let’s support them. 

So instead of all the structure, the expectations, the assessments; let us focus on building humanity and community. 

• Create and make available resources, learning activities and material that families can choose to access if they deem it necessary.
• Suggest family bonding activities: exercise as a family, cook as a family, play games as a family rather than completing packets.
• Compile and bring together resources for wellness, balance, mental health.
• Check-in and talk with families. Laugh with them, cry with them, reach out to see how the school community can support them.
• Mail a book to each student to encourage a love of reading.

So if you are an educator, if you are a parent or a leader. Know that we will all be watching. Offer your support, offer your heart, offer your time. Show grace, compassion, empathy, and understanding. Don’t put unrealistic pressures on families going through incredible challenges and emotions. We are trying to manage a crisis. As we manage it, let us remember to lead with heart. We are not setting up a temporary system for learning, we are supporting a community and helping hearts and hands thrive through love. That should be our priority.

The lies we hide behind

“Let us not hide behind falsehoods. Let us not box students into preconceived definitions of who they must be.”

It has been a long time since I have sitten down to write a blog. Mostly because I have had a hard time being able to prioritize time for my own personal writing, but I find it fitting, after a few weeks into the school year, that I find my voice again. 

I recently read an article in our local French Newspaper Le Droit entitled: “Madame, c’est ça des gars!” (Miss, this is who boys are!). Now I often reflect on my own pedagogy and try to evolve with my own learning, however, this article really struck a nerve with me. The thoughts and ideas I put forward in the following piece may stir a reaction within you, and honestly, I hope they do. Too often in education, we do what we have always done because, guess what, it has always been done that way. It is time educators stand up, challenge the status quo and share their voices, no matter how divergent they may be. It is time we stop hiding behind the lies we tell ourselves. 

There have been many myths that have long overstayed their welcome in education. ‘Catering teaching to learning styles (kinesthetic, visual, auditive)’, ‘the effectiveness of the school calendar’, ‘there is only one good way to teach math’, ‘boys learn differently than girls’, are just some of the popular misconceptions society, and many educational leaders, still hold on to with their last breath. Many may wonder why, myself included, but there is a common familiarity that is appealing to people when keeping the status quo. 

The article goes on to cite some schools that have gone back to an archaic method of dividing classrooms; one for boys and one for girls, “like in the good old days”. Why? Mainly because, supposedly, studies show (although they do not support with evidence) that boys learn differently than girls. I have some issues with the claim that “studies show”. Anyone who has any experience with citing and analyzing studies knows one thing: numbers can be manipulated to tell the story you want.  When we often read articles, reviews, opinion pieces, most people will read “studies show” and take that as fact. When reading an article, how often have you actually taken the time to read up on those studies to see what they actually say?

So today, I would like to uncover the lie we are hiding behind. Boys do not learn differently than girls. For someone who says I won’t understand because I have two daughters; believe me, I grew up as a boy in the education system, I was a child who sought to conform, and I have worked in the education sector for 19 years. The truth that we are masking in education is that, in reality, everyone learns differently. No student learns in the same way. 

It is unreasonable to think that teachers across the globe can actually teach and tailor their lessons individually to each learner; after all, the modern education system (education for the masses) was not built on this belief. But if we are to make assertions about what works best for students, let us not hide behind gender, because that is an old and easy way out. 

One thing that saddens me in this article are the assertions that it makes regarding toxic masculinity. For years we have been working hard at addressing microaggressions, words, and terms that are discriminatory and hurtful, yet here we have modern journalism perpetuating these falsehoods. What do these include? Young boys need to move, they are annoying, boys like math and science, writing isn’t their strong suit; choosing reading about their interests, about planes, F-35, robotics, programming. All these statements are putting all boys in a mold. If you are to be a real boy, you must be like this. If you like to read or write, if you enjoy quiet time or cooking, well then you just don’t fit. 

How such old-fashioned, discriminatory remarks can still be tolerated in education is appalling. Let us not move backward in our teaching, let us not reassert misconceptions that we have worked so hard to erase over time (and yet so much work still has to be done). 

The truth is, all kids need to move. No human was made to have to sit still for hours on end and do routine and mundane work because one person said so. No human was made to follow the same learning schedule as everyone else. We have been talking for years about personalizing education and individual learning paths, yet in schools, we still think it is important to have the “herd” (students) move together, at ALL TIMES.

I understand the voice that says we cannot currently support an education system that tailors learning to each student, and that may be true. However, we cannot simply accept the status quo and hide behind the lies that have been governing the education system and its finances. 

So in a time where it is important to stand up and share our voice, I choose to do so today. Boys will not be boys; all boys do not like trucks and sports and machines and the colour blue. Children will comply with many rules and teachings that adults will share with them, including stereotypes and toxic masculinity. So I hold all educators, including myself, men and women alike, accountable for the lies we hide behind.

Let us not hide behind falsehoods. Let us not box students into preconceived definitions of who they must be. Learners are all unique, different and magical. Let us start with that notion and see them develop and unfold in the beautiful people they are and are meant to be. 

Gardening: Taking care of you and your students

This weekend, I spent time working outside: pulling weeds, planting flowers, planting vegetables, mowing the lawn, watering, etc. Since I became a homeowner with my wife many years ago and we dreamed of designing our landscaping, I started having to carve out time to maintain the outside esthetic of our property. There has been a constant investment in flowers, seeds, water, fertilizer and mostly hard work. And to be honest, most of the time, I did not want to actually be doing this work, I would rather have been sitting in a chair, reading a good book, basking in the sunlight. When I didn’t properly maintain our yard: we had much more weeds, flowers didn’t bloom as well, leaves didn’t grow as much; in essence, the beauty and health of our plants depended on the time I had invested into the maintenance of our property.

This weekend has given me a lot to reflect on both personally and professionally. It is important to garden in our own lives and grow our souls.

Personally, I need to better understand that time needs to be set aside for my own growth. If I want to strive, to bloom and to produce beautiful blooms, I need to take care of my own life and balance. This means time to to rest, time to go to the gym, time to connect with others. I can’t always fill my calendar with obligations and preparations for work. I need to be mindful of having some time for my own care and growth. This is an ongoing challenge and process for me.

I also need to make sure to weed; weed the negativity out of my daily life. I need to build hope by planting seeds of kindness, empathy, compassion and positivity. I need to keep the positive people, the bringers of joy, of support, of love into my life. I can’t feel bad when I eliminate what hinders my own growth and beauty.

I will admit right now, this is not an easy process, nor is it a fast one. This is an ongoing journey that takes time, but beauty in life cannot be rushed. We need to realize that we are worth the investment.

Professionally, I also need to garden so that I may thrive and grow. I need to understand that my students are the beautiful flowers in the garden and I am there to tend to them and watch their beauty, talents and gifts bloom. I need to treat each student as a unique flower that has unique needs and adapt my environment for them. I will always remember Alexander Den Heijer’s wise words:

“When a flower doesn’t bloom, you fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower.”

There are some flowers that bloom early spring, others in the summer, others in the fall; we cannot rush the process and we need to remember that when it comes to our students. Students don’t need to be fixed, they need to have an environment rich in educational nutrients so that they may bloom, thrive and radiate their beauty.

In gardening, as in life, we often look for quick fixes: a spray, plants with little maintenance, flowers already in full bloom: anything that will diminish the work that is needed but that will reap the full rewards at the end. In life we often pay others to clean, to garden, to cook, to maintain. In education, we look for the quick fixes in literacy, in learning; the apps that will make students perform well on tests so scores soar; whatever it takes to ensure the appearance of beauty in eyes of others.

I believe this is where we often miss our opportunities. Life is not a race. Take the time to prepare, to plant, to work, to tend to your garden. Make life a priority. Don’t lose sight of the beauty in front of you by trying to find the quickest way of getting to a destination. Find the beauty in ordinary moments. Do less, but love more deeply, show more compassion, smile more, enjoy the sun. Eliminate what is holding you back.

You may or may not enjoy gardening, but take care of yourself, take care of your heart, take care of the lives entrusted to you on a daily basis.

We need your passion, we need your heart, we need YOU. So please, take care of YOU.

The struggle to learn…the struggle to let go

“It is when you breathe that you find clarity, peace, forgiveness, compassion. It is then, that you find YOU.”

It is no secret, for those who know me, this has been quite a year. A year of transitions, a year of adapting, a year of lessons…leaving a leadership role to come back to the classroom, to my first joy – leading learning with students.

Three years may not seem like a long time, but a lot changes in three years. From Snapchat to slang, from homework to engagement; students have been continuously evolving and my absence from the regular school routine has created a gap that I was ill-prepared for.

I set many goals for myself this year, and I decided to embark on a journey of overcoming many challenges in education. From creating a love of reading in high school, to flexible seating, to inquiry-based learning…I tried. Things were not always easy or perfect, many hurdles existed, but I have been learning a lot. I have also gotten many of the stares; you know the ones that look at you like you’re crazy or disillusioned because you believe in the possibility of change or because you are trying “elementary” things in a high school. The ones who judge you for being different.

When I talk to friends or teachers, when they ask me how my year has been, I try to be honest. If I was to give myself a letter grade today, I would give myself a “C”. A “C” because I am constantly learning, because not everything went well, and because I know I could have been better. This year has been full of struggles: the struggle to learn, the struggle to try, the struggle to keep going, the struggle to balance, the struggle to manage time more efficiently, the struggle to be a better person.

Far too often in my life, I have been told I am not enough. Far too often have I believed that I am not enough; that is probably one of the biggest struggles of all. It is one thing to put others’ needs before yours and call it servant leadership. However, when you forget who you are and you don’t take care of yourself, you find yourself lost at sea, unable to find the peaceful shore.

With all of this, I have learned that we can’t always be the saviors, the givers, the leaders. Life is about balance and when you lose that balance, in essence, you lose yourself.

So teachers, what is my message today? Struggling is part of life; it is okay to struggle. It is also okay to let go. Let go of the burdens you carry, let go of the pressures you feel,  let go of the attitude of putting your work before everything else. Let go doing whatever it takes…when it is at your own expense.

Loving others is also showing that you love yourself. Caring for others is showing that you also care for yourself.

So surround yourself with your pillars of strength. Live an authentic life. Learn what you can, when you can and avoid finding excuses. Know that you will struggle, similarly to your students; and that is okay. But in that same breath, know that in your struggles, it is okay to let go and breathe. It is when you breathe that you find clarity, peace, forgiveness, compassion. It is then, that you find YOU.

In the fall, during my last post, I shared about how I was hanging on. Now, as the end of the year approaches, it is fitting that I reflect and look at what I will do after hanging on. And so, as the year winds down, I ask you: are you ready to let go?  

Hanging On

Is it strange that I have not written a post in almost three months? It is almost embarrassing to admit that fact as I sit here writing this post. I have started writing many times in the last few months; yet the words never made it to a full post, nor did they make it to the digital world.

As I came back to teaching full time in August, I came back with an fervent attitude, a strong passion and a smile that beamed from ear to ear. Over the days and weeks, I kept my passion and smile, but something was slowly happening. I was struggling. Struggling to keep up with my routine, struggling keep my balance with work and family, struggling to write or participate in my regular Twitter chats and struggling to be me.

Often times, social media is a place where we can share the amazing things we try and do. This is a great outlet to showcase our wins, our pride and the amazing work of our students and colleagues. What we rarely see is how all teachers struggle. We have grown up and lived our lives with the stigma that struggle is negative, that it is bad and makes you weak. Although we can pretend like this is not the case, the pure absence of struggle in most posts, carries the faulty truth in this generalization.

I fell into this stigma. I felt like less of teacher because not all my posts or my days were always positive. I felt like a failure because there were days where I simply wanted to break down and cry because I could not reach every student. I felt like a failure because people brought down my optimistic, and maybe innocent, view that I could actually change students’ attitudes towards learning and reading.

As I looked to others for support, for inspiration, for advice, I just kept thinking: Why me? Why do things not work out for me?

Now don’t get me wrong. I am not easily beaten down, I don’t let go without a fight, but  I do have moments of pure struggle. I also reflect on the existential question of should I be an educator? Although many have a hard time admitting it, I need to share this vulnerability with my mindset; it is of course what I ask my students to do on a daily basis.

We all have those doubts about how effective we are. We all feel like we are making strides, to later find ourselves two steps back. But I want to believe and to share that this is normal.

We need to reflect, we need to be authentic, we need to let others know that we are not always okay. That are smiles often cover up some doubt, some worry, some deep reflections. It is fitting that this post comes after my last one, The Fear Within.

Yet no matter the questions, no matter the sleepless nights, no matter the countless efforts on a daily basis, I continue:

Because I have hope.
Because I believe.
Because my students deserve better.
Because I am where I need to be.

So…
I am hanging on!

 

The fear within

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”         – Nelson Mandela

It is one week until I welcome students back to my classroom and from anyone who has heard me talk about this time of year, they know just how much excitement I have in my voice. There is nothing like starting off a new year. From the greetings, to the high fives, to the chats about the summer; so much positive energy is wrapped into this one day of school.

At the same time, as much as I am excited, there is a little fear. I have been out of the classroom for three years in a leadership role supporting 12 districts. I have had so many amazing experiences, I have learned so much and I truly feel blessed for the experiences I have had. But as I come back to the classroom and a new routine, with my smile, my energy and my promises, I can’t help but still feel a small pang of fear.

I fear that I won’t live to the expectations I set for myself and that others may have for me.
I fear that I will not give students the learning adventure they deserve.
I fear that my creativity and passion may get sidelined by “red-tape” and obstacles.
I fear that no matter my interventions and my heart, I won’t be able to reach every student.
I fear I won’t get my classroom transformed to where I know it could and should be.
I fear I will simply not have enough time.
I fear I will be alone on my island.
I fear I will have a hard time finding balance.
I fear I will not be as good of a dad or a husband.
I fear that I am not good enough.

It is normal to have so many fears and tell myself that my fears are also amplified because I was away from this reality for a few years. I also realize that these fears are often what will drive us to dream, to push boundaries and make anything happen.  As educators, we are gifted with amazing students every year. We also, put so much pressure on ourselves; we often have a hard time accepting less than perfect. Although this is a great ideal, it is also unrealistic.

A friend of mine, Jean-Luc Boissonneault, shared some wise words today:

“Revealing your weaknesses doesn’t make you look weak, it proves that you are strong.”

So as I prepare to leave for one last conference before the school year begins, I take solace in the support and love I have from my family and friends. I appreciate the encouragement and words of comfort that come from friends all over the world. If I have so many people who believe in me, I can and will believe in myself. I will also dream the impossible and make it happen.

We may all have some fears within us. It is time to let them out, push them aside and make the incredible happen.